i'll have the number three.
harry: obviously, you haven't had great sex yet...
sally: it just so happens that i have had plenty of good sex...
harry: with whom did you have this great sex?
sally: i'm not going to tell you that!
harry: fine. don't tell me.
sally: shel gordon.
harry: shel. sheldon? no, no. you did not have great sex with sheldon.
sally: i did too.
harry: no, you didn't. a sheldon can do your income taxes. if you need a root canal, sheldon's your man, but humpin' and pumpin' is not sheldon's strong suit. it's the name. 'do it to me, sheldon.' 'you're an animal, sheldon.' 'ride me, big sheldon.' it doesn't work.
you're your own worst enemy.
are people unaware of the fact that their means something different than there? or is it that they simply just don’t care? and which is worse?
no love. no power.
so is this it? is this how the world comes to a crashing end? everyone gets popped… one mass suicide shooting at a time. let’s start with the children. i’m not an extremely topical person, but there’s something about kids headed to graves that drags my heart to the earth and forces my mind to wander. and wonder. what the fuck else is next? there once was a time when we all...
private thoughts & verbose explanations.
it’s funny, the long winded stories we’ll tell under dark masks of obscurity just to preserve this fake image of sanity & maturity on a mission to show everyone else that you’re not the crazy one. we’re all the fucking same. the only difference lies between those who are willing to admit it, and those who love to play innocent dragging everyone else’s names...
long hard looks in the mirror.
from the very beginning i felt myself compromising a lot of who i’ve built myself to become, solely because i thought it would be better or easier if i just molded myself to be the type of girl i thought he wanted to be with. and that right there should’ve been my first sign to cut ‘n run. hindsight, always 20/20, i suppose. so yeah. from where i’m standing, even casual...
for my own piece of mind.
your ignorance and hypocrisy has been astounding. but i guess the human brain is funny like that, willingly forgetting one’s own actions when they’re too busy looking down on other people because they’re clouded by their own self-righteousness. you say you care(d) about me, that you are having a hard time with us parting ways, and that you are missing me — but if any of...
letters to a stranger.
so… i’ve never believed in 50/50. it’s always been 100/100. that whole, “if you can’t love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love someone else?” theory. with that in mind, a friend of mine fairly recently shed some more light onto that idea for me — “independent couples.” when you said that bit about how you don’t want to be...
something somebody else once said:
and that one day when we messed around with a polaroid camera.
"the mayonnaise jar and two cups of coffee."
“when things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when twenty-four hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the two cups of coffee. a professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. when the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. he then asked the...
a drunken conversation between me and the guy who...
cabbie: if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?
cabbie: have you ever been married?
cabbie: ah. because you like girls? you know because, nowadays, a lot of girls like other girls.
winter is coming.
it’s late. as usual. at the risk of wasting my “sunday” sleeping in, i’ll sit here and think out loud for a bit instead. after our much needed shit-storm of a rainfall, the weather has cooled down immensely. the days are getting shorter, making nights longer. science. aside from the countless autumn birthday celebrations, people are starting to stay indoors more and...
although we’re now veering into “friday morning,” i’m sitting at the hump day to the most hellish week of my entire life thus far. so hellish, in fact, that breaking it off with someone i actually kinda liked is the one thing i’m considering as the best decision i’ve made this entire week. it’s weird. but for the first time in days, i feel - free. i also...
j.d.: i finally figured out what bothered me so much about you.
kim: well, lay it on me studly.
j.d.: it's the way you're so concerned about protecting yourself. i mean, no one in this entire hospital has a bad thing to say about you and i'm guessing that's because you're so careful not to rub anyone the wrong way... and you still wear your wedding ring. that prevents any guy from getting anywhere near you. you wouldn't operate on mr. peters and we both know how you're protecting yourself there. i dunno, i guess in the grand scheme of things it's not that big of a deal. i just, i was just a little disappointed when i found out who you turned out to be. i'll see you around.
j.d.: i saw you did that surgery on mr. peters... did you decide it was the right thing to do?
kim: no, actually, it was a stupid career risk.
j.d.: then why'd you do it?
kim: because for some reason i, find myself really caring about what you think of me.
j.d.: oh. cool.
the lunacy stops here.
it’s interesting hearing the same thing come out of two different people’s mouths — and finding yourself listening to one, but not the other. scenario a: ”damn, i’m sorry i couldn’t be your boyfriend in 30 days. i just don’t want to be a part of whatever it is that’s going on in your head.” scenario b: ”well, why do you feel the need...
que sera sera.
i’d like to chalk it up to trust issues, but really - it’s merely a matter of lacking self-confidence. i fall in quick and hard but history shows that i tend to fall out just the same. sure, i’d be a lying sack of shit if i said my ego wasn’t bruised, feelings weren’t hurt, or perhaps even a little sad… but - i know if i ignore it, it’ll eventually go...
there are two sides to every story, sometimes...
anyone who says they “hate drama” is a liar. drama keeps things interesting, drama helps settle differences and most importantly, filter out the people who don’t know how to handle it like a goddamn adult. so there’s my disclaimer: drama is only fun when the people involved are geared more towards the rational/logical side. with that being said, lately my personal life has...
will: there's something i've always been dying to ask you.
mac: ask anything.
will: why did you tell me?
mac: because i wouldn't have been able to live with it.
will: now i have to live with it.
mac: would you rather i'd have been dishonest?
sunday funday, and how it has changed.
i would swear that it wasn’t too long ago that sunday afternoons were spent lounging around the great lawn in a hungover stupor, partaking in hair-of-dogs, listening to the radio while waiting for our at-bats for our annual restaurant softball league. now, it’s still hungover, but - on a couch or in bed, listening to spotify while waiting for our delivery to hurry the fuck...
we know some things.
i think the best way to tell if we’re closer to grown up - is the moment when we realize, accept, and understand the fact that we’re going to live out the rest of our lives never knowing everything. sounds obvious, but think about it… how many times in our lives (particularly our formative years) did we truly believe and feel as if we knew everything there was to know…...
the desiderata of happiness.
❝GO PLACIDLY AMID THE NOISE AND HASTE, and remember what peace there may be in silence. as far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the full and the ignorant; they too have their story. avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexatious to the spirit. if you compare yourself with others, you may...
everyone's a liar.
it’s a difficult feat trying not to carry baggage over from past relationships into future ones. we’ve been conditioned to learn from past mistakes by building walls fighting against the notion that history always finds a way to repeat itself. a distance between you — and everyone else — that only grows with each failed relationship… because if you can’t change...
inspiration. all day, erryday.
the past few years i’ve watched a steady incline of friends following dreams and making shit happen, myself included. from actors to painters, photographers, singers, dancers and restauranteurs. designers, stylists & make-up artists… all of the above. i feel blessed to be surrounded by talented people who are constantly creating with fire under their asses. hearing that a friend...
a conversation with an old (platonic) fuck buddy...
veris: i never wanted to think she was being a bitch, just assumed she was being stand-offish because she's shy.
champ: no, she's absolutely a total bitch.
i beg young people to travel. if you don’t have a passport, get one. take...– — henry rollins.
rose: i just had a thought...
"constantly talking isn't necessarily...
that moment when you’re catching up with someone you haven’t seen since way back when and then come to realize that that person has a completely different recollection of the times you’ve spent together, than the memories you‘ve kept. on paper it sounds like quite the awkward situation, but that’s only true if the memories that they have… are bitter ones and all...
you are from new york, therefore you are just naturally interesting. okay? it is...– — hannah horvath.
i (truly do) love... NY.
they say you can tell someone’s a tourist because they’re wandering around the city constantly looking up. well lemme tell ya, my eyes are always averted from the ground, towards the sky. tops of buildings, i say! and i ain’t no dang tourist. even after a decade of calling this place my home, i can’t seem to shake the wonderment of living here. it’s magical i tell ya.
park ranger: so, what happened? i mean, did you forget to check the entire field? i find a lot of women have problems with tunnel vision.
leslie knope: no, i'm an excellent hunter.
park ranger: how did you end up shooting a guy in the head, then?
leslie knope: fair enough. i was walking in the woods and then i tripped and my gun went off.
park ranger: ah, so you forgot to put the safety on.
leslie knope: oh, i always have the safety on, i mean... when i was tripping i saw a quail and i shot at it.
park ranger: mid-trip?
leslie knope: no. that's. okay, fine. i got that tunnel vision that girls get. that's what happened, end of story.
park ranger: well, i think you're hysterical because of all the excitement, obviously. so, i'm just not following your story, all right?
leslie knope: um, i let my emotions get the best of me. i just, i cared too much, i guess. i was thinking with my lady-parts. i was walking and i felt something icky. i thought there was gonna be chocolate. i don't even remember. i'm wearing a new, um, bra and it closes in the front and it popped-open and threw me off. all i wanna do is have babies! are you single? i'm just, like, going through a thing right now. i guess when my life is incomplete i wanna shoot someone. this would not happen if i had a penis! (putting on lipstick) -- what? bitches be crazy. i'm good at tolerating pain, i'm bad at math, and... i'm stupid.
yesterday, i had the funnest most random night, ever. and today, i’m reaping the consequences in all kinds of ridiculous ways, mostly involving tripping over my own feet. literally. i’m still not sure how or if drastic differences of opinion can help/hinder a relationship (romantic and platonic) — but for the time being, i’m looking forward to finding out.
tom: what happened? why - why didn't they work out?
summer: what always happens. life.
punk rock & dance pop don't mix.
you are punk rock. i am dance pop. and this extends far beyond music taste. i know this will never work out. so, why do i refuse to give up?
why do i fall in love with every girl that shows me the least bit of attention?– — joel barish.
top three phrases:
what if. this too, shall pass. i could be wrong. — who said this?
always inspire. always create.
when i initially started exchanging messages with okc#1, he was in vegas for work so we had a lot of time to text/email before meeting irl. after a few days, it got to the point where neither of us were getting any work or real sleeping done, so he proposed a challenge: until we meet, we could only text in images. it was mostly exchanges of pictures of handwritten messages or photos of self…...
after a couple weeks of stifling heat and borderline unbearable humidity — the skies finally opened up and the rain came crashing down with a vengeance. so for the past couple of days, the temperatures have dropped about 20° and i reluctantly had to put on full length pants for the first time since the beginning of summer.
clem: this is it, joel. it's going to be gone soon.
joel: i know.
clem: what do we do?
joel: enjoy it.
online dating, and why it's awesome.
a few months after the ex and i headed our separate ways, roommate 2of2 convinced me to sign up for okc. the reasons for this were several-fold: i work, all the time. although i’m constantly meeting new people at both jobs, i make it a point to not date anyone i work with/for. pen, ink - all that fun stuff. i finally have a great group of ladyfriends who are also generally always busy, so...
this is where it ends.
despite only getting four hours of sleep, this morning - i woke up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated… in a bed that wasn’t mine, in an apartment i don’t live in — for the first time since we’ve split. and i felt feel, happy. so i think now’s a good a time as any, to stop addressing my half-assed blog posts, to you. truth be told, even i was getting bored with...
the new ex-girlfriend.
i let the first four incoming calls from the unknown number go to voicemail. i figure, “if it’s important, they’ll leave a message.” no messages. phone starts to ring again; it’s late, it’s wednesday, what the fuck. “hello?” it’s her. she starts by asking why i felt the need to break up their “non-relationship relationship” (her...